It’s been four months since the legendary rocker Eddie Van Halaen passed away at the age of 65. Now, his ex-wife Valerie Bertinelli, who he was married to from 1981 until 2007, is opening up about how much she misses him.

Bertinelli and Van Halen share a 29 year-old son named Wolfgang, and though they divorced 14 years ago, they remained close until his death.

“It’s weird,” Bertinelli, 60, said while appearing on “Today.” “Grief shame is something I never thought would happen to me. I don’t want to talk about it right now, but I knew the man for 40 years. I was 20 when I met him. I still loved him. We spent a lot of time together. He’s the father of my son.”

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“He’s the father of the greatest gift in my life,” Bertinelli added, hoking up as photos of Wolfgang appeared on screen alongside his late father. “And I miss him. And I’m allowed to miss him.”

After their divorce, Van Halen married the stuntwoman-turned-publicist Janie Liszewski, and Bertinelli married Tom Vitale in 2011. The former “One Day At A Time” star went on to explain that even after their divorce, their love endured.

“He was a huge part of my life,” she said. “Just because we loved each other didn’t lessen the love that he had for Janie or me for Tom, so it’s a different kind of love. I don’t know how to explain it. Maybe one day I’ll figure it out and write a book about it.”

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This comes one month after Bertinelli admitted that adjusting to life without Van Halen has not been easy.

“It’s been rough,” she said. “Very bittersweet. We’re doing OK. We spent the holidays together. I’ll see [son Wolf] later today. We’ve been spending a lot of time together.”

“It’s hard,” she added. “I’ve gone to text him a few dozen times and I’m like, ‘Oh I can’t text him right now.’”

After Van Halen died, Bertinelli took to Instagram to pay tribute to him.

“40 years ago my life changed forever when I met you,” she wrote. “You gave me the one true light in my life, our son Wolfgang. Through all your challenging treatments for lung cancer, you kept your gorgeous spirit and that impish grin. I’m so grateful Wolfie and I were able to hold you in your last moments. I will see you in our next life my love.”

This piece originally appeared in UpliftingToday.com and is used by permission.

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